Good Dog

I have an insane fear of spiders. I truly believe their only purpose in life is to kill me. When I was in the third grade I watched a show about spiders and it told a story of a man bit by a black widow in his bed. I didn't sleep with sheets for a week. I've had nightmares about spiders ever since, including one about a spider bitting my toe off. My dad stepped on a spider one time and billions of little bitty baby spiders scattered all over the porch as I was trying to crawl out of my skin. At Brian's family's lake house I was trimming bushes when I came across banana spiders aka the spawn of satan. When I saw three of these suckers the shears went flying, I went running, and Brian and his male family members heard me screaming from the street but instead of coming to my aid and carrying me to safety, they laughed at me. Our friends found a black widow on their porch in Florida, and if it was me I would have called the landlord to tell him I was in the process of moving out. Let's just say if I ever see one of those camel spiders I'll just start having a seizure.

Story Number 1:

Some of you might have heard this story recently.

While we were at church one night Ranger got sick in the house, very unusual but we had just bought him new food so we thought that was it. Next day I had a friend over with a baby so I put Ranger in our room where he got sick out of both ends. I knew something was wrong so we loaded up and went to the vet where we spent $300 dollars (yay). Then we headed over to Home Depot to buy a $200 dollar carpet cleaner (yay). So while Brian is cleaning our carpets I go to give Chase a bath. Everything was business as usual until I went to get the washcloth I had used the night before. As I open it to pour on some soap a spider crawls out onto my arm.

@)*F&#G(H%*VM!(&!!!!!!

I immediately start freaking out and try to fling this spider off my arm, luckily he's gone pretty quick. Chase is pretty freaked out at this point so I look over to start calming him down.

I had flung the damn spider on Chase and it is making it's way up his chest to his face.

@)*F&#G(H%*VM!(&!!!!!!

As Chase is screaming for his life I am hitting this poor child and as soon as I see the spider is gone off to who knows where I grab this wet, screaming and now shivering baby and run across the house to Brian. (Ok maybe we were both wet and screaming at this point) "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SAVE US??" Busy cleaning the carpets he had no idea of the fiasco taking place on the other side of the house. And Brian looks at me like I'm the crazy one?

Story 2;

Brian is gone so of course all the spiders come out because they know I am weak prey. As I am letting Ranger in the house a big black eight legged jerk decides he wants to come in the house as well. I just don't have the heart to even attempt to kill this sucker so I look to Ranger to be the man of the house. After some coaxing, pleading, and begging I convince Ranger that this spider is interesting and can be eaten. After a few sniffs, a huge paw, and one lick the nightmare is over. I seriously thought about cooking that dog some ribeye that night. Good dog.